So I was reading this article in the New York Observer, and feeling a bit smug, but then it hit me that this is completely normal. Everyone has friends in varying stages of relationships, doing things their own way. I know, this is not much of a revelation, but an interesting observation. For the past few years people have asked me when Groom and I were going to get married, and I'd make the grrr face, and tell them to ask him. And other people would offer a variety of advice: "it will all work out in time" or "he needs to just decide what he wants to do" or "you are not getting any younger" or "maybe you guys just will be that couple that doesn't get married."
And the thing was, I was putting it on him to do the work. I already knew what I want, and to be perfectly honest, that moment of clarity came after the hardest times in our relationship. I knew I could get out... that it would be easier, I mean there were a few logistical concerns, but I could do it. And then I didn't want to. I understood what was at issue, and what was going on with Groom, and I stopped being angry and thinking of me, and I genuinely understood where he was coming from. And that realization, that clarity that even in the worst anger and hurt I could muster, I was still concerned with him was how I knew that I wasn't going anywhere. I didn't care when he proposed (okay, that's only half true), but I knew it would happen.
So two years later we are engaged. And I'm glad it happened when it did (I'm still super excited), because I think we did need to wait for his lightning bolt moment too. As much as I whined and complained, it is better that we are both ready to do this whole marraige thing. Because after that last friend vomits in a planter and the DJ packs it in, we're stuck with each other. And that's a good realization to come to too.