The Guest List is a big source of struggle. Groom and I are really lucky to have lived in a lot of places, and we keep our friends from all of the different phases in our lives. In exactly no other time has it been a bad thing to have a giant social circle. However, I sometimes think maybe we should quit being so damn social when it comes to the guest list. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but we, well, I also don't want to serve hotdogs to my 600 guests. There are etiquette rules that should assist in selecting the right number of guests, and who you should include. They don't. These rules are published and all over the internet, and frankly, it just makes it more confusing and a challenge. Because now you are being rude in addition to being a cheapskate! Sigh.
There are so many opposing points of view when it comes to this. Do you want a small or large wedding doesn't really solve this dilemma. We love our friends and want them present at this crazy occasion.
So advice - everyone has some. I went in search of it from my newlywed friends, to see what they did for their weddings. You guys are now on the planning committee as well :)
- "Would you want to have dinner with them if you were in their city?" Good, but Groom knows someone in every single city in America and will call him/her when he visits, so that won't work.
- "Only invite people you have spoken to in the last year" I have family that would be hurt if not invited, but we only see each other on holidays.
- "Don't invite anyone but family and your closest friends" meh.
Then from two grooms: "It's a wedding, not a party. That helps to narrow it down. Remember your family is there too." and "This is not a going away party. You will see all of these people again." Ding! Ding! Ding!
So that's good for starters. Then there is the couple rule. I was really hurt when someone invited Groom to a wedding and not me, despite that we had been living together at this point. This has really stood out to me when I'm putting together the list. How do I do this so I don't hurt anyone's feelings?
- Invite every single person with a guest, which might mean leaving out some of our other friends for the dates?
- Enact the No Ring No Bring rule (I hate this one)
- Not let my slutty friends bring random girlfriend/boyfriend of the week
I think what might be the most diplomatic is to first, invite people who I know if they have a significant other. Then, invite anyone in a couple. Next invite single friends as singles only if they will know lots of people there. Finally, invite people who only know me or Groom with a date so that they are not completely lonely.
I'm not sure that this will be our final solution, but at least it starts to give us an idea of how to do this.