There comes a time when you just need to admit you cannot do everything, and that if you do not do everything, the world will not just give up its rotation because you were not there to tell it what to do. I have hit that point in a major major way. I have been overbooking myself and dealing with a large amount of stress at work. School is killing me - I am feeling the pressure of my looming final project for my class and I cannot start writing my thesis. I just cannot do it - I'm completely blocked on this. There is weird pressure-y stuff going on with wedding planning, and at this point I have seriously considered breaking up with Groom instead of dealing with it. In fact, I've probably tried to break up with him every other day for the last month - for reasons as big as ditching me for other plans or as small as his alarm going off in the morning a half hour before I need to be up. Even Yoga is a chore I try to fit in, despite that it is really the only thing that makes me feel better - at least for a short amount of time. Even typing all of this out is making my heart start to race - and not in a good way.
Thankfully, I let Groom talk me into (not moving out of our apartment) going to Hawaii with him a while ago. On break up attempt #463 (is this cold feet? Stress? What is the matter with me?) he said, you need this vacation more than anyone has ever needed a vacation... and I think he is right.
This looming trip saved my Monday - I actually had fun at dinner. It made me finish a small paper, and not freak out about bigger ones. I have decided to take the summer off of classes, and to only take one in the fall - and maybe just work on my thesis when inspiration hits. I now have until next May to finish it instead of trying to pile it into the space when I need to get married. We responded to a challenging wedding situation in a way that made me feel better about asserting ourselves as adults. Little by little I am digging myself out of the gigantic heap of stress I have piled on my head.
I have remembered self care. I keep a bar of dark chocolate in my desk. I drink yogi stress relief tea, and make sure to not skip my yoga class. The point is, I got myself into this crazy, and I can get myself out. It just takes little steps to a better mental state.
That I am flying to Kauai tomorrow and spending 10 days on the beach with the love of my life/future hubs/guy who won't let me break up with him sure doesn't hurt either.