Fertility Fairness

I have entered that last trimester, in which I am realizing that I won't be pregnant forever, and that this tends to result in a little human that I have to care for for the next, well forever.  After a few social gatherings this weekend, I was moved to think further about fertility and how lucky I have been. I have had an incredibly easy pregnancy.  I had next to no morning sickness my first trimester, and while I felt exhausted, it wasn't anything a nap couldn't cure.  I was still able to hit the gym, and I completed my gym's bootcamp that I was doing when I discovered I was pregnant, and then signed up and did another one.  My second trimester was marked with nothing out of the ordinary.  And even now, in the third, the most difficult part is that I haven't really slept through an entire evening in the past 5 months thanks to an overactive bladder, and that Squid gets active when I get relaxed making 3-4 am a great time for Squid calisthenics.

As always, I get worried that things come too easily to me (the Irish in me), but Husband reminds me that I have been doing everything I can to take good care of myself - working out, eating really well, taking naps when I need them, and turning down social events if I just don't have the energy for them.  But the more I think about it, my case is not the norm, and is more the exception to the rule. But oddly enough, mine is the story that is most likely demonstrated in the media - unless it's portrayed on Lifetime, MTV, or TLC, where tragedy and crazy reign.

In nearly every way I am lucky.  This is my very first pregnancy.  I haven't had to make the decision to terminate a pregnancy, and I haven't had to deal with the emotions of a miscarriage.  I am over 30 (33), which makes me older fertility-wise, but not over the random/magic age of 35 where medical professionals consider pregnancy to be "complicated." Instead this just makes me mature enough to emotionally, physically, and financially support a pregnancy.  Husband and I got pregnant our first try out of the gate.  From what I've gathered from friends, this is super weird, as many told me it could take a few months of "trying" and some friends tried for ages and opted for IVF, an expensive procedure, but one that the DC area leads the nation in, thanks to all of us over educated career driven ladies putting off the babies until our 30s or 40s.  And the one thing that makes me incredibly lucky is that I am married to a man, and we have normal health insurance, that covers this normal thing of producing a child. Friends of ours, a gay lady couple, don't have this as an option either. Their story breaks my heart, and has made me really give consideration to whether I would be able to act as a surrogate for them. Starting with emotional and ending with the financial considerations, this is something I would really have to explore, but that they don't have the options my straight friends have is positively awful.

There is no such thing as fertility fairness. So many factors play a role in bringing a child into the world, including everything from class, age, timing, race, income, educational background, sexual orientation, health, and most of all luck. If you get any group of women together, I don't think you will hear the same story of fertility told by any of them. Instead, elected officials and the medical community tend to treat fertility and pregnancy as a reward for behaving a specific way.  I find it painful to watch how elected officials treat this process as simple and easily legislated, particularly with concern to gay couples, when there is clearly no one way to get pregnant in this nation. If this isn't a reason for more women to run for office, I don't know what is.