In the past few months a lot of things have changed. The biggest, of course, is that I had a little boy. We also closed on a house in a new neighborhood and bought a car. All of this happened within the span of about a month. Now that the dust has settled somewhat, I have decided to delve back into writing as a way to reconnect with myself. I have already been struggling with identity, certainly caused by what it means to be a parent, a wife, a professional, a friend, a homeowner, a healthy fit person, and a member of a new neighborhood. It's a lot to balance, and it's a constant dance that all women do. Currently, I struggle with how much is enough. I have to remind myself constantly to be gentle with myself. I can actually have it all, but maybe not all at the same time. I remind myself of this when I get dressed in the morning, and the baby weight has not miraculously gone away. I tell myself I am trying when I leave work early to pick up Teddy from day care, or when I take calls on days off to prove that I am still a kickass employee trying to make partner at my firm. I tell myself that sometimes a little has to be enough when I am so tired that I can only just kiss my husband good night. I ignore the giant dust bunnies accumulating on my new stairs as I try not to step on the doggie. I let it slide that I wore flipflops to work today because I forgot to change my shoes because I had to remember to bring the cooler for the baby milk instead.
My head is filled with a constant stream of to-do lists, and as a bona fide type A perfectionist (I finally admit to this), I am learning to prioritize in a new way - in a way that allows for not doing something. Sometimes I just wanna hang out with Teddy and not do the dishes. Maybe I want to kiss my husband a little longer and let T cry a bit more. Maybe I'll just answer those work emails tomorrow.
So this blog will change again, just like my life has changed again. Writing has always been an outlet for me, so I'll let this space be the place where I work out ideas, figure out how to balance, decorate my new house, and debate how to just be enough.